I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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