Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
