There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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