direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
