I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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