She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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