I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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