I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
