I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
