sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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