I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
