he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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