that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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