"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
