it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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