Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
