a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
