Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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