hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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