it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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