roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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