I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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