I should be sponsored by Trojan
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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