you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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