Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
