i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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