Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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