If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
