$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
