My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
