There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
