I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
