God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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