I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
