I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
