my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize