Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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