i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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