I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
