I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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