Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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