Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
