Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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