the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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