Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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