i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
