doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
