oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
