i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
