You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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