I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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