hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
