his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
