I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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