your parents love me but you hate me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
