we're blogging at a bar
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
