just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
