he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
