Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
