I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What a dumb baby whore.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
