Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
