Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
