I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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