if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
organizing the empties. That sober.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
