I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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