Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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