I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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