Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
