Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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