How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i would one night stand the shit outta him
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
