i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just pee around me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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