Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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