remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
