Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
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If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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