Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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