aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
