eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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