i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.