I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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