Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
