just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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