now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
