What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
