now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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