Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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