Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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