I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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